Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Trying to Speak the Language of Idiots

(Note: The following post was written at a time of extreme frustration and despair. I have since recovered my natural optimism.)

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After endlessly discussing same-sex marriage with certain “acquaintances,” I can no longer handle exasperatingly irrational thinking and the closed-mindedness that protects it. Despite my best and tireless attempts at effective communication and clarity, my “opponents” continue to foster confusion – and demonstrate it quite clearly themselves, as well. I’ve been reduced to attempting to construct a reasonable set of beliefs for them from their random, contradictory assertions. Apparently, it’s up to me to show my opponents what they believe. We can’t even argue because they aren’t competent enough to articulate their own position.

Now, I could begin to ridicule these people personally. (Note: No, they aren’t mentally handicapped, despite my frequent claims to the contrary. They are actually quite intelligent in the traditional sense, i.e., 1400+ SAT scores.) But I realize that I should instead learn to speak the language of idiots. How can you bring reason into the world of blind stupidity? That’s my problem.

Fortunately, I recently received How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must). At the time, I was still somewhat optimistic that there was intellectual hope for liberals. But my worst fears were confirmed: Ms. Coulter reveals that “liberals, as opposed to sentient creatures, have a finite number of memorized taking points, which they periodically try to shoehorn into unrelated events, such as when Nancy Pelosi opposed the first Gulf war in 1991 on the grounds that it would cause environmental damage in Kuwait.”

And, while arguments with liberals will of course be won (“liberals can only win arguments when no one is allowed to argue back”), the odds of confronting and converting them remain slim: “If you can somehow force a liberal into a point-counterpoint argument, his retorts will bear no relation to what you said – unless you were, in fact, talking about your looks, your age, your weight, your personal obsessions, or whether you are a fascist. In the famous liberal two-step, they leap from one idiotic point to the next, so you can never nail them. It’s like arguing with Attention Deficit Disorder.”

I was further enlightened to even more disturbing facts about liberals: “…their evil is incalculable. They stand for the godless rule of dictators. They apologize for abortion, adultery, and everything bestial in society. They support al Qaeda and the Taliban as they once supported Stalin and Mao.”

Indeed, as Coulter reports, “Nothing too extreme can be said about liberals, because it’s all true.”

Alas, what can I do?

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